dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
