waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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