it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Drunk is not a location!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
