You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
