how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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