mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
