hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
