I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
