Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Randomize
