I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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