My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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