They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
