Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
