does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
