Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
