Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
