a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
