she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
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