Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
