mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
