you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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