I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
