it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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