Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
