Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
