hotel room ftw
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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