I hate all girls vehemently.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
