her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
