Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
