Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
