i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
