Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
