Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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