I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
