please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
