my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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