paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
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