He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
