I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
