I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
