We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
