He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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