I'm jealous of your bromance
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
smell my finger.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
