After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
