i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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