u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
