Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
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