1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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