Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
