i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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